7 Random things

So I stole this from erin.

1) I am addicted to the food network and HGTV. I am not sure what my problem is really. My current favorite show is Chopped. and now that they are having a chopped championship...I am really addicted.

2) My phone is dying a very slow death. It randomly turns itself off and then back on at times. I have decided that it is either dying...or possed. Take your pick.

3) I am really REALLY into politics right now. Don't get me wrong.. I have always been into politics, but NOW..more than ever. I just get so irritated when people don't see/look at all the facts. The narrow-mindedness of the world may drive me crazy.

4) I LOVE LOVE LOVE being a dad. More than anything in the world. I wouldn't trade it for anything.

5) I went to the Plano Balloon festival this weekend with Samuel. Who knew that hot air balloons could be so amazing?!?! I will be going every year.

6) I have never had the flu before, but I am CONVINCED that I will get it this year. Not sure why...just am. Vitamins every.single.day!

7) I am still looking for a church that I can call home. Not 100% yet on any... One will become a fit soon.

Being close to God

Tonight was a good night. I went to my friend Jim's wedding reception at this amazing hotel in Plano. I got to meet a lot of people that have influenced his life in many ways. There was one conversation that I had that I will not forget for a long long time. I can't remember the gentleman's name off the top of my head, but our conversation was centered around 'being close with God'.

You see, there was a distinct part of my life where I felt so close to God and a distinct part of my life where I didn't feel close to God at all. The years when I struggled with who I truly was as a person were those years that my relationship with God faded quickly.

God gave us two commandments. 1) Love your God with all your heart and 2) love your neighbor as yourself. The reason my relationship with God was strained was because I didn't love myself at all. I didn't accept who I was as a person and I feared what others would think of me.

I am so happy to be in a place in my life where my relationship with God is growing again. It has been many many years since it has been in a place where it has needed to be.

p.s. Congrats Jim and Bonnie! So proud of you guys...you two are an amazing couple and you have an amazing family.

Revealing your secrets

A good friend of mine shared some detailed information about his past the other day. Details that he is not proud of....at all. He went on to tell me that he has only shared this information with very few people. Three to be exact..counting me. I could tell in his writing that he was hesitant about sharing, not because he didn't want to tell me, but because sharing it makes him feel awful inside. The fear that others will look differently upon you. Those of you that have that deep dark secret hiddon inside know what I am talking about.

I went on to share this with him:

"first...I want you to know with out a doubt in your mind that anything you tell me...anything. whether personal or shared I will always respect you more for it and love you more because of it."

My life is FULL of crazy things that I am neither proud nor happy about.

I am just me...a boy from 'the groves' trying to figure out my own life, but along the way I have figured out that we (and by 'we' I mean everyone) were all created from dust, all of us do not deserve anything that God has given us. We are all one stupid decision away from being that drug dealer, that unwed mom, the kid stealing a candy bar or two from the grocery store.

Life is HARD and I in no way can pretend that it isn't.

We all have those secrets. Every.single.one.of.us. but that is what makes us human and capable of God's Love.

I promise I am not that HORRIBLE of a blogger...promise.

So..I just got a text from my friend jim. It reads "LIAR..you said you would blog once a week and it has been almost a month!" He is so right...so very right. I don't have an excuse...except well 'life'. But that is beside the point. I promised myself that I would get my thoughts out and this is the avenue I chose and I promise I will stick with it. promise.

Speaking of Jim..such a good guy. You know...he is my ONLY straight GUY friend that I talk to about life in general? And by 'life' I mean work, family, BOYS, etc. You see, he is the only STRAIGHT GUY I know that actually tries to understand my 'past, present and future' and at the same time loves me more for it.

You may have noticed by now that I keep stressing the STRAIGHT GUY part. Well, to be honest I have some girlfriends that I can vent to and talk about life with and a few gay friends, but not STRAIGHT GUY friends. Only one...and his name is jim. You would like him.

You see, and I hope he doesn't mind me sharing, but I met Jim at a weekend group thing called Every Man's Battle. He happened to be in my small group and we clicked almost instantly. I am sure it was because in the back of our minds we were wondering 'what the hell are we doing here', but we trudged along.

I didn't come out to Jim at first...actually, I didn't come out to Jim at all. He actually figured it out on his own, but I am pretty sure it was self 'sabatoge' on my part. I wanted him to know, but at the same time I knew he was straight and like any other guy coming out to his friends it is the straight guys you are most scared to come out to. Randomly one day jim sent me a text asking if my 'issue' was with guys and not girls. From that point forward I have been completely honest with him about everything.

I appreciate jim more than you know, more than I can express in this blog or with any words that can come out of my mouth.

Thank you jim for always being supportive, for always making me think, and for loving me no matter what.

Love you bud.

If I were a bee

Samuel and I rent movies all of the time. I like movies and I think that interest of mine is rubbing off on the little guy. We are fans of the 'redbox' located at various places around the neighborhood. You can rent a movie for only a $1! You only get it for one night, but they have a good selection..especially for the little ones.

Saturday we rented Bee Movie and midway through I had this little discussion with samuel.

Samuel: Daddy, I want to be a bee.
Daddy: Why?
Samuel: So I can sting people.
Daddy: *ponders for a second*
Daddy: Me too.

I love conversations with samuel for several reasons, but mostly because

a) there is complete honesty...with no filter
and
b) see reason a.

You see...some people do drive me to the point where I wish I could just sting them back into reality.

For example:

Someone deciding whether or not they want to delete me from their facebook because they feel that having me as a friend would mean they are 'approving' of my life style.

That is just absurd.

I believe people are missing the point all together. Whether you agree or disagree you are still supposed to love.


Step 1: Love the person
Step 2: That is completely up to you, but deleting me from your life is rediculous.

I know I know

I know it has been awhile since my last post. I swear to you that my life has been going 90 to nothing the past...what...15 days since my last post. My goal is to have a post up at the very least once a week. at.the.very.least. So I am going to get right on that again. I promise.

I haven't had much time to think about stuff to write about, so I am basically just going to talk about life...right now anyway.

The apartment is treating me fine. The more days I spend here the more I like it. Samuel actually asked me today why we didn't live in our house anymore. He is still adjusting... I have him every wednesday and every 1st, 3rd and 5th weekends. This coming up weekend he is with his mom, so I am going to spend this next week redoing his room. The theme is 'outer space' and I can't ever begin to tell you how excited I am. I may just be getting a little carried away. So far I have this great outer space bedding that I found online, an old iron bed that natalie is letting more borrow that I will be painting green or orange or yellow or red (I haven't really decided), these wall stickers that I ordered online, this rocket ship lamp, these circle rugs for the floor to look like planets, these two cartoon looking rocket ship/space ship paintings, this big moon night light, this big star night light, those glow in the dark stars/planets that you put on the ceiling, a blow up rocket, a blow up alien and I still need a night stand to put his lamp on. Yeah..I may be getting carried away, but it is a kids room. Actualy...my son's room. So these things are important! I will take pictures and share once I am finished. Lots to do this weekend.

My new job is going great! There is a lot to learn, but I am getting the hang of it. I do training and development and this company has never had a training group support them, so everything is a big mess. But I like a good challege, so I am excited.

Those are the two big items on the list right now. I know it isn't exciting to read about, but I will have better stuff soon.

promise.

On the Up and Up

I was talking to erin the other day...actually chatting I believe on gchat and she said "can you believe how much your life has changed in the past week?" and I thought to myself..OMG NO I CAN'T! It is crazy.

From Friday April 24th - Friday May 1st the following things happened:

- I interviewed for a job.
- I got a job. yay!
- I sold my house.
- I found an apartment.
- I scheduled a move.

You see...for MONTHS my life has sort of been...what's the word?.... sort of just there. I have been living in the house that my ex-wife and I built several years ago. Half empty. Knowing that I was going to move, so I haven't bothered to buy anything new or change it in anyway. I haven't been working because I was laid off. It wasn't all horrible...it just seemed like my life was at a stand still.

but within a WEEK things started falling into place. I can't even begin to tell you how excited I am about my new place. It is sort of old...but it has a little character. And my JOB! is great. It really is. So things are going well. Really well.

- Great friends
- New job
- New apartment
- A boy that gives me butterflies everytime I think of him

I really couldn't ask for anything more.